Good lord, I’ve never found all of these actors less attractive. That’s the problem with this Total Recall remake – Colin Farrell simply doesn’t have chemistry with Kate Beckinsale or Jessica Biel, and the women don’t have chemistry with each other, and Jessica looks like a wax figure (and she has the personality of a wax figure), and Kate looks like she sauntered out of an old-timey saloon/brothel. They all seem like they were in Berlin to promote completely separate projects, and they just chanced upon each other for a photo shoot. The only thing Kate and Jessica coordinated was footwear – and I really believe that was an accident.

I can’t find the designer IDs on these dresses right now, so let’s just analyze the looks. Is it weird that I hate Kate’s more? Kate’s dress is somewhat flattering, and God knows I love a jewel tone… but the whole ensemble just looks so cheap to me. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction: I dislike it, and I can’t really explain why. As for Biel’s two-piece, a cropped belly shirt and a tiered skirt… it would have looked better as a one-piece. And the skirt is too high to actually make it look sexy or anything. It just looks weird. But I will Jessica extra credit for doing something with her bangs (which Timberlake hates) and going back to a flattering hairstyle. But why does she looks like a robot?!

Last thing: why am I completely “over” Colin Farrell at this point? His haircut really isn’t that awful, he’s in shape, and his jeans look great on him… but I still feel nothing. Is it just a situation where my “Hot Irishman” love/lust has been fulfilled by another? Shouldn’t I have room in my heart (and loins) for both Fassbender and Farrell?!

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

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