Star Trek Into Darkness is mostly a sausage party. I was culling through our photos of last night’s STID premiere and I had the sudden realization that I was mostly interested in seeing photos of the dudes, so of course we will have a special “Hot Guy: STID” post. But for now, let’s talk about the two women of STID: Alice Eve and Zoe Saldana. Zoe is more well-known, so let’s begin with her.

She wore this Vionnet gown which… I loathe. It’s not even that I have a big hate-on for the design of the dress, I just have a hate-on for how Zoe-in-the-dress made the entire premiere about her dress drama. She kept tripping over her sideburn-train and all of the STID men kept having to adjust it for her. Benedict looked gentlemanly when he tried to make some dress arrangements, but when Quinto leaned down to fix her mess, the look on his face was “gurl, you need to check your couture.” And oh yeah, there’s some Jada Pinkett happening in her face. Ugh.

As for Alice Eve (I keep typing her name as Alive Ece), I don’t think I’ve even heard her voice (unless you count that “scream” she does in the trailer), but this woman already annoys me. The way she poses, the clothes she wears, the look on her face when cameras are around. She’s a Hiddleston – “OMG Attention!! ME ME ME!” Her dress is Ermanno Scervino Pre-Fall 2013 in suede. I like the idea of a suede strapless dress, and this could have been interesting. But the fit is off and I feel like her girls are about to pop out of that bustier. Why are these two ladies so budget? Why are they inviting wardrobe malfunctions?

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

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